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[31 Aug 2005|11:49pm] |
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wow i havent been to this site in forever! im caught up in deadjournal
schools great this year so far, im looking forward to homecoming. im going with jimmy. yeah ill get back to this later
night lovers <3
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| oh em gee |
[29 Jun 2005|12:34pm] |
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mood |
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 annoyed |
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burn * usher |
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WTF.
today was a day full of randomness.
i really hate my home life. i realllllly hate it. my moms like superbitch.. i have marks on my fucking arm from her. everyones just fucking gay, except mike.. ♥ and so i hate the rest of my fam. die.
school is fucking retarded, im not going back to dc. im going to like crestwood for a day to like check it out, or something. should be entertaining to say the least.
friends.. well i guess i really cant complain. i dont have like 3045038954 friends, but, i do have people that care about me. i just.. i want my best friend back. the one that just stayed @ my house, all the time.. and it was just, cool. i want someone i can tell everything too. i want.. i need.. i yearn for a best friend. *sigh*
guys. well lets not even go there. guys are.. retarded xamillion. i didnt get to go to toronto this wknd.. so im kinda glad. no falling for bobby again. and its all confusing.. cus maybe dave? and kevin called me tonight. how fuckin random is that? i cant like him. i wont. ive known him since i was 9, thats like going out w/ my brother. no, no, no. im not. no. maybe i like bobby? UGH. i hate guys! but now i miss a boyfriend. i want one for the summer. i NEED one for the summer. blah.
goodnight kids. ♥
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| now maybe - i didnt mean to treat you so bad |
[21 Jun 2005|01:00am] |
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mood |
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aggravated |
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radio |
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..but i did it anyway. =/
so im officially going nuts. i cant remember being this depressed.. in a long time. i literally have nothing to look forward too.. and this should surely result in something not pretty. i swear im goin to end up having a mental breakdown or something.. i just cannot take this anymore. i dont have anyone that gets it.. anyone that understands. no one understands me anymore. maybe its just me.. the fact that i dont want to trust people. because.. well everytime i do, i get hurt. plus, i love how i trust people..and they dont trust me. great. thanks. i do appreciate it. dont be such a fucker, and just tell me.. before i think we're all good.. and then just to know that you like to hear me whine so you can go tell everyone else. i appreciate that. i really do. i miss having a best friend.. someone that you are just identical with.. and that will never change. ever. but- sadly, nothing lasts forever. no matter how bad you want it too. NOTHING lasts forever.
like today, in music, all of a sudden.. joyze is like me + ryan arent doing so good.. which is a total fucking MIND BLOW! considering they were/are inseperable. i guess it just goes to show you.. things dont ever last. so dont look for something to last, just look for something that makes you happy. which, brings me to my next point.
i dont look forward to anything anymore. sometimes you need something to just keep you going. something that you can be like.. well its okay cus _______ is coming up. but i dont have that. at all. i dont have.. anything.. i fucking hate it. i hate it. i hate it. i hate it.
goodnight fuckers.
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| broken again |
[20 Jun 2005|08:29am] |
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mood |
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moody |
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music |
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far behind * candle box |
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good weekend. ive missed all my friends so much. :)
im also sad, for no apparant reason, great.
torontos next weekend, i dont get to go :(
blah.
im outttiiiee. ♥
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[19 Jun 2005|03:42am] |
i would just like to say thank you to all the fucking assholes that make me hate cheer.
fuck you.
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| im so sorry =( |
[18 Jun 2005|03:59pm] |
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mood |
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depressed |
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i dont wanna wait * paula cole |
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so i think ive succeeded in deciding to hate myself. :(
why you might ask.
well, my mom has to be the biggest bitch ever. like she says stuff she KNOWS will get under my skin. + this morning, we're fighting, and we're going down silvery lane so we're like 5 seconds from school, and shes telling me how im a bad friend, blah blah blah.. so im like almost crying there. and we're sitting outside the atrium doors, + i was waiting to get lunch money from her.. and she goes, youre such a bitch, now wonder you cant keep any friends. i go, i have plenty of friends mom, fuck you. she goes, no you dont. you have no friends.. i had *slams door*
shes right. i have like no friends. but i hate getting close to people.. because i always get hurt. always. i guess im just meant to be alone. in all aspects. and also, when something doesnt accept me, or im not good enough for it, i knock it. i always say how much i hate cheer, or jenni... but i dont know. i guess i really dont. i just hate rejection, so i use hate and am like, fuck you i dont care. but really, i do. i care so much. i wish i had my old friends back, and my boyfriend, and my grades, and my spring so i could be good enough for cheer, and i just wish i could be the old me. bobby misses the old me. hes right, ive changed so much. i friggen hate it too. i really miss how i was, and how happy i was. i havent been happy in like.. so long. i want to be happy, i just dont even know how to begin to be nemore. i dont know how to tell people im sorry.. im not good with it. im not with owning up to me sucking at life. :(
lets make a list, shall we.
Things I Miss ::
-being happy
-bobby
-magan
-jenni
-toni
-going to hockey every night
-being on cheer
-having good grades
-being loved
-having REAL friends
-talking to magan til 1 in the morning every night.
-OPERATION CASTRATION! lmao ;D
-being good @ cheer..or being good @ nething in general
ahh thats all for now.
im going to targets..
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| falling into memories of you |
[17 Jun 2005|05:25pm] |
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mood |
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 happy |
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one year, 6 months * yellowcard |
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so i didnt make pom. apparantly they dont take juvenile deliquents like me ;] haha. its all good tho, im gona skate :) so that makes me happy. my moms gona call my old coach + everything... oh man, i cant wait :o)
wEekEnD rEcAp ::
-friday.. pom tryouts. after school bill$ came over, we chilled, ate mcdonalds, practiced + headed off to pom. we did pretty good. but eh, shit happens.
-saturday, church for the bros communion @ 11. it was soo funny bc his friend nick didnt even take the host + joey dropped his. i was laughing SO friggin hard. um no call from pom, so i just chillaxed w/ the fam. which i ♥ to do bc i dont ever hafta worry about anything. and i can just be crazy, and everything and i just <33 it :) cousins spent the night.. so we chillaxed and that was that.
-today. well i got a call @ 1.13 AM from non other than bobby telling me about the hockey game, it was so funny. =P i was like out of it, lol oh well. so then i woke up around 10, chillaxed w/ the cousins, took a shower, more chillaxing.. and well, here i am lol. crazy police thing happened..ill get into that later tho.
thats all for now.
bye ♥
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| be strong....i believe |
[15 Jun 2005|11:24pm] |
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mood |
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happy |
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believe * yellowcard |
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AHH! tryouts today went good :) i was soooo happy w/ how i performed. i hadta talk to the coach about nowlin + stuff + that was nervewracking, but i did well. so im waiting + hoping i get a call tomorrow :)
other than that, good day i guess.
more updates tomorrow, im hitting the hay.
<33 yOuUuUuU
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[13 Jun 2005|02:19pm] |
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mood |
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 nervous |
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run to me * clay aiken |
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okay. so im nervous. pom tryouts tomorrow after school. im trying not to think about it too much =/!! eeeeeeeeek.
wish me luck kiddos! :)
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| in computers |
[10 Jun 2005|11:22am] |
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nervous |
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u remind me * usher |
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i. am. trying. out. for. pom. friday.
eeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeek. =/
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| im gonna show you what im made of |
[09 Jun 2005|08:20pm] |
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cheerful |
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nOtHiNg... |
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WOWWWW. fucken' ay man. GREAT day. i mean, if you see 3 guys naked.. you KNOW its a good day ;D heheh.
alright..so these last few days have been tricky? bobby still likes nat, + ive been deturing her from going back to him. hes sucha asswipe, + he needs to see that he cant have everything he wants. even if he is hawt. as hell. ;D heh. anyway.. so theyre apart, + it looks like its gona stay that way, who knows tho? every day brings something new when youre dealing w/ bobby.. so, i will update you when i know more.
summary of the weekend ::
- FriDaY -
not much happened, stayed @ home, relaxed, the usual
- sAtUrDaY -
again, boring day. i talked w/ magan for like 3 hours that night...about EVERYTHING. reliving old memories...times we wouldnt change in for the world. it was great. + ive missed talking to her. :) and so i didnt go to the hockey game @ like 10 cus i went to bed @ 3 + there was nooo way in hell i was getting up in 5 hours to have bobby be an asshole to me. lol so i slept in, woke up around 1.. to my dad telling me mr. + mrs. palmer met ber. now, thats just dandy. for those of you who dont know, ber is my old cheer coach, that kicked me off the team. + since bobby was the core reason i got kicked off..for them to meet..is just amusing. =P so anyway, didnt do much that day. took a shower,played tricky,laid around.. picked up chris from his friends hizzouse + then partied w/ the fam. i ♥ my family. theyre great. so that was fun. watched oscoda tapes from like..years ago. man, have i changed.. lol and then i talked to toni, we convinced her dad to unground her + let her come w/ me to the games today + then i went to bed.
- tOdAy -
WOW. GREAT day. so i got up around 7 + got ready for the games. toni came over around 7.45 + we headed to melvindale. funny times @ that rink. we saw BBM!! yay for BBM :) hahah. and we disposed of some bad things, + just had good ol' fun times. like we used to have.. wow, i missed her so much. shes one of the only people that i can just be totally wacky around, + they dont give a damn. its great.
"go bobby go. rape lauren go. stick your penis in her mouth, then take it down south!"
^ lmfaoooo!! wowww... so anyway, we won that game against redford 6-1? or something. they did well :) + so we went home, i showered + got re-ready + we left for the rink again for the finals. we talked to steven alot, hes pretty ight i guess. haha.. hes straight ;D right toni. lol + we held hands the whole game, lmfao, it was coooold in thurrr! so neway.. we were playing this chicago team, + we won 5-0. joey + mike were MVPs. + yeah, it was good ol' fashioned fun.
Toni :: dont be an asshole to me, its not MY fault you like a weasel..
Bobby :: *stares blankly* well, its not my fault you, uh, SMOKE WEED
Toni :: uhh cus i dont..
hahaha woww.. we got him good toni! lmfao
and then the best part of the friggen' day. WE SAW 3 NAKED GUYS :D so we're standing by the locker room after the game.. + for whatever reason, brad swings open the door. + who friggin' walks by.. GARY! naked as the damn day he was born. wow. that was interesting. we like freaked out + ran.. woww.. lmfao. it was sick. hhahahahhahahaha. + then the door kept opening, + i see the new kid chris. wow..that was amusing. but the best part.. is.. hhehehe O:-).. okay. so we look by the door, + theres bobby, giving us this goofy little look. and we're like.."uhh..?" so we walk closer, + trev's coming out + he like looks behind him and like has this weird look on his face + is laughing, + we're all like..? what the hell! lol so next thing you know, the door is swung open, and theres bobby.. from the back, no clothes on.. yelling "EAT MY ASSSSS" w/ this goofy little smirk on his face. lmfaooo omfg, lmfao i like freaked out. i was like AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH! we saw a bit more than necessary since his legs were spread ;D lmfao, but it was good, clean fun. :D we ended up following the palmers home + that was also amusing.
other than that, boring day. not much hmwk this wknd thank god :)
but now im off to aim it up + then hit the hay.
the end. ♥
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| come to meet you, tell you im sorry... |
[05 Jun 2005|06:25pm] |
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mood |
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amused |
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music |
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boys of the summer * dj sammy |
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interesting past few days. but i cant update now. gota get in bed cus i gota fricken get up @ 6.45 tomorrow to be ready in time for the hockey game w/ TONI :)
talk to you all tomorrow..
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| at night pray... |
[02 Jun 2005|02:06pm] |
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be like that * 3 doors down |
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pretty good day. i was so pissed off yesterday. i get home from hockey + bobbys all pissy because he didnt get icetime or some shit, + so he then proceeds to tell me he still likes natalie because no one else "shows interest that they like him." im like okay whatever youre fucking gay as hell. so we got into it..because the little fucker LED ME ON. stupid fucker. what does he think? he can just pick me up + drop me whenever. well wrong again bucko. ew. hes so gay. roar.
recap of today ::
-school is gay as hell + boring as fuck. i cannot wait until summer! only like 31 more days :) yay! im so happy. summers gona be in-fucking-sane. i cant wait. all my friends have cars, i doubt i'll have a sport, + if i do, it will be skating, which i love. + wow. this summer is gona be great. im vowing to have as much fun as possible. gota make the summer of `04 memorable. ;D heheh. but, other than being gay as hell..lunch is so amusing. i LOVE my lunch. its just like, me,steph,ryan,+ dave. + we all goof on steph, its really funny. shes orgasmic with her strawberries ;D hahaha. i love you steph! =P i just love lunch, its right in the middle of the day, and so in the morning i look forward to it, + after it, im in a good mood for the rest of the day =) so yay for that.
-nothing else interesting happened. OH. i met nick carpens cousin today. hes going out w/ emma. hes pretty cool. kinda weird. wants to beat mike up..cus mike said he "fucked his gf." its amusing. hes supposed to come up to mels tomorrow..i doubt he will. if he does, hes fucked. but oh well. me + toni divised a plan for that one. after that, i took a nap, ate dinner, did homework, and then commotion began. solved that, talked to nat for a bit + toni too. + now its bed time.
first the commotion.
so bobby asks nat out. nat says yes. but then, shes like "i wana know if youre okay w/ it. truthfully." + im not gona lie to her. i was hurt..real bad. so i told her, + i told her i preferred if she didnt. so, she dumps him. she COMPLETELY told him off too. it was great. my favorite part went a little something like this..
Bobby: so did you just dump me?
Natalie: yeah, i did.
Natalie: do you like getting dumped?
Bobby: no, not by someone i really truly care about alot.
Natalie: well me + lauren + erica just LOVED it. you stupid fuck.
HAHAHAHAHHAHAHA. touche [ sp ] my dear, touche. that was brilliant to the fucking max. hes all upset i guess. HAHAH. in his pro its like.. i love ******* :'( im like, wow youre gay as fucking hell. get OVER it. natalies like, "no we're not going out again anytime soon." wow. i guess ive realized who my real friends are, eh? i love youuuu nat :)
so tomorrow i might hang out w/ hott justin + jake. WOOHOO! cant waiiiiiit. ill letcha know about that one. but now im off to bed.
♥
p.s. - do you know how daymn good it feels to let go of something you've been holding onto for wayyy to long? :)
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| who will be there to take my place... |
[31 May 2005|06:15pm] |
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mood |
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chipper |
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music |
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wherever you will go * the calling |
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wow. INTERESTING day. so i didnt go to school. cause someone had a bomb threat on our school + i didnt feel like going in, SO i didnt. :) + that made me happy because well, yes.
school = sucks.
so therefore ::
no school = happiness.
we werent blown up tho. dammit. :( heheh.
THEN, im online. + bobby gets on.. im like no, im not IMing him. he can IM me. so, i didnt. + guess what. he did! lol + we were talking + made some plans for the weekend.. GUESS WHAT IM DOING THIS WEEKEND... YOUUUUUU! lmfao. good times there. + he was going to trev's... so hes like "call my cell if you want, even tho you never do anymore." + of course i didnt.. so he calls me from trevors phone + says those 3 magic words :: i miss you. + stuff.. + wow. yay for that. + he even called me later, cus i was supposed to call him but i hadda go to targets, so yeahh he called me + ionno i think he likes me? maybe he was just fucking around. i donno..
I DONT WANA LIKE BOBBY AGAIN...
but i cant stop myself.
that is the end.
kthx.
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| theres a feeling inside i want you to know |
[26 May 2005|11:04pm] |
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mood |
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angry |
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music |
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back here * bbmak |
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wow. this song is the best! ive forgotten about BBmak. heheh. anyway. today.. was erm. AMUSINGGGG..!!* hahhh..let me explain.
School ::
okay seriously, school is so gay. huge waste of time. i have no friends @ that school + im seriously considering going to crestwood. pom might be like, my last straw. if i dont make it, i might blow up the damn school myself. i mean, i have no friends, i dont particularly like anyone @ dc. theyre all pissy rich assholes. like, really. poor people are so much more fun. i just.. wow. i hate dc. alot. people there piss me off. we're supposed to be all catholic.. + we just go + backstab people like non-other, claw each others eyeballs out, + the like. its ridiculous. ughh.. ill say this much. crestwood looks DAMN good right now.. thank god i dont hafta go to school tomorrow :) yay for bomb threats.
moving on. good day with bobby. planned some things ;D haha.. will be great fun. he amuses me. + hm, i donno if i even wana go out with him nemore.. im thinking FWBs. much easier. less hassle. only thing is, i wont be his one + only. hm. oh well. that means he doesnt hafta be mine either. cus ima pimp ;) hahah. okay i am done.
new personal pet peeve = when people say i love you 2 days into their relationship. sorry kids, you have no idea what it means to be in love. + you probably wont. youre young, you did not meet the person you'll be with forever. its like an impossibility. its just like, annoying. "i love you, youre my baby." no. get the fuck over it. you'll be broken up in like 2 weeks. gawd. please, grow up + be just a BIT more mature. wow. that just pisses me off to know end. [ p.s. thats not just about one person. ]
in conclusion i hate school + drama ; me + toni made up :) ; i cant wait for this weekend ;D ; im thinking of trying some new shit ; + im happy for once. yay.
well i think im gona retire early tonite.
goodnite ♥
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| raaaaaaaaaandom. |
[23 May 2005|07:01pm] |
hockeykiddbp13: so were broke up for now. but see u are mean
+13139800326: Leave me alone i dont wanna talk to your sorry ass
well. thats interesting. we'll see how tomorrow goes.
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| i love wayne eathart. |
[21 May 2005|02:17am] |
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i want to get to know you * g unit |
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( big poppa )
oh i just love wayne. that kid just cracks me up. love to him. to bad hes so young, or id be all over that bootie ;D ha. ♥
p.s. = ignore the bad news. well. maybe. i donno.we'll see what tomorrow brings =)
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| this weekend |
[16 May 2005|11:05am] |
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mood |
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 blah |
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music |
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showdown * britney spears |
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tournament was good. i still like bobby. that is the end.
bye.
p.s. = if you have something to say about me + bobby..fuck off. kthnx.
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| it would be alright |
[12 May 2005|07:08pm] |
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happy |
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music |
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semi charmed life * 3rd eye blind |
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AHHHHHHHH so today was a good day. i havent had a good day in..gawd knows how long. i missed hanging out with my friends so much. like, really.. i wouldnt make it in this world if it wasnt for my friends. there are people i miss soo much...alot.. because i know i screwed things up.. but there are those people that have always been there for me, and continue to be.. and well, im happiest when its me + my friends.. and NOTHING can bring me down.. =)
so i got up around 9.30 today.. + got ready. steph picked me up around 10.30 + me,her,+ kelly went out to eat @ cheli's. its yummi in there. we had an amusing time figuring out the bill.. even tho kelly's like a genious, haha. it was good times. then on the way home, we saw this..what we thought to be a shymr look alike. SO, us, being brillant, turn allllll the way around [ mind you, we're on fucken telegraph ]+ follow the kid into the suburbs. only to find its NOT shmyr + then hit a damn bird on the way back. oh gawd, it was hilarious. i love those girls + ive missed them =) ♥
theeeeen i went + got my hair cut. ahhhh she chopped like the whole damn thing off =( i guess its pretty okay. i have pics for you. my hair is just, gone. i kinda miss it, but hey, cant do nething about it now... but i was definitally bawling when i got home. then jess called,invited me over, + i went over there w/ mal. we just basically walked around + i met some definite hotties. fucken shoosh,wojo,fiestel,keith,jack --> definite good times there. then we met bobby,moore,+ miller in their neighborhood. bobby was being cool, which is a plus. he took me for a ride around the block on his moped thing. he goes damn fast, haha. what can i say.. he likes to ride hard.. ;D haaa. right. hes so damn tan.. + fine as hell. i just wanted to rape him, right there. uggggh. its cool tho, i got to hold onto him on the moped. i kinda just miss cuddling w/ him.. =( ahh.. well, if its meant to be .. it'll happen.
then i came home,ate pizza, walked by emmas about 4 times..talked to her for a bit.. + here i am.
OH. definitally found out that bobby thinks he can get ass from me if he just says i love you..fucker. oh well. maybe i want ass too? who knows. i just, like i cant believe he doesnt care @ all. =/ oh well.. we'll see what tomorrow brings.
also, people that fight with me.. only bring up bobby. i mean, comon. it doesnt bother me. i LOVED bobby.. and they were my feelings. i dont give a shit what grade he was in. get over it. please. youre being gay. also, mayyyyybe the friend i called a whore.. might not have done shit, but oh boy shes tried. its not MY fault guys dont want her.. geez. ah whatever.. if you wont listen to me, i dont see the point in caring. i do miss you tho.. =/
alright kids. im out. fun day.. tired + sore legs from walking. hockey in the morning. out to eat w/ them, back here, nails, hanging out w/ jess + mal, then another hockey game later. pics for you tomorrow too =)
♥
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| "DAMN THAT BITCH IS UGLY!" |
[05 May 2005|11:01am] |
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mood |
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amused |
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music |
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i dont wanna know * pdiddy |
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good day. wayne makes me laugh. OH. and i love the little cousins.
more tomorrow. OH. pics fo sho. im gettin my hurr did =P
♥
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